I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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