At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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