If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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