I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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