I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize