So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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