Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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