Your face is a jimmy john
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dear god my vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize