His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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