He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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