Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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