I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize