i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
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why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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