he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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