what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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