He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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