I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize