you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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