im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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