The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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