i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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