The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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