I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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