had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize