I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The ass gains better be worth it
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