One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
