You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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