I want you more than these girls want KFC
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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