Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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