Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize