i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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