We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize