just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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