I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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