my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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