Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The uberlube is also flammable
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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