I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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