Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize