I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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