Say something about gay babies.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize