I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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