Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize