I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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