He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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