My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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