She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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