I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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