you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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