she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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