Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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